<![CDATA[The Current - Satire RSS]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/se/the-current-satire-rss-1.302405 Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:18:57 -0400 en <![CDATA[Out with the books, in with the big screens]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/satire/out-with-the-books-in-with-the-big-screens-1.1494561

By: Kelli Wyatt


Starting at the end of Spring Quarter, demolition of the Holman Library will make way for a new library of information, Green River officials said Monday.
 
]]> 1.1494561 Wed, 23 Jun 2010 23:14:00 -0400 <![CDATA[Hangover epidemic sweeps campus]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/satire/hangover-epidemic-sweeps-campus-1.1494560

By: Josh Robbins


Green River Community College sits in the wake of one of its greatest tragedies. On Thursday, officials reported a skyrocketing death toll of 436 students and counting, which threatens to devour the ...

]]> 1.1494560 Wed, 23 Jun 2010 23:11:31 -0400 <![CDATA[ASGRCC election reeled in spectacular catches]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/satire/asgrcc-election-reeled-in-spectacular-catches-1.1472209

By: Jessi Cheney and Kelli Wyatt


The last week showcased the elections and revealing for the new ASGRCC committee.
1.1472209 Tue, 4 May 2010 16:38:03 -0400 <![CDATA[Obama pushes for surge in war on mushroom kingdom]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/satire/obama-pushes-for-surge-in-war-on-mushroom-kingdom-1.1348008

By: Josh Robbins


On Monday, President Barack Obama held a national address in the Senate to announce his coming military plan which requires over 50,000 troops to be deployed in the ongoing War on the...

]]> 1.1348008 Sun, 18 Apr 2010 20:03:55 -0400 <![CDATA[Women everywhere thanking Tiger Woods]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/satire/women-everywhere-thanking-tiger-woods-1.1172916

By: Mary Preston


 

A new surge has been caused in the consumer market today after the release of the new “male chastity belt” which sold over one million belts after only ...

]]> 1.1172916 Wed, 24 Feb 2010 16:06:31 -0500 <![CDATA[America's newest holiday: The Super Bowl]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/satire/america-s-newest-holiday-the-super-bowl-1.1172911

By: Thomas Hanes


It wasn’t too long ago that the Super Bowl was just another Sunday not much different than any other, but it is hard to remember back to those days. For this year’s Super Bowl season, people will be getting out mo...

]]> 1.1172911 Wed, 24 Feb 2010 16:02:24 -0500 <![CDATA[Healthy choices?]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/satire/healthy-choices-1.892746

By: Sze Nga Wong

Students fail to practice what they preach

A healthy life style is often valued and most people have the basic concepts of being healthy. Many students at Green River Community College seem to know much more than the basic concepts since a two-credit PE class is needed to get an Associate Degree. ...

]]> 1.892746 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 04:26:36 -0500 <![CDATA[The Snuggie siege on campus]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/satire/the-snuggie-siege-on-campus-1.892736

By: Nicole Swapp & Lindsey Williams


Cult members make desperate attempts to keep the backwards robe pure

Ever since the invention of Snuggies, students all over Green River Community College have been dressing in the backwards robe daily. This crazy fashion experience has also caught the eyes of many faculty and staff members – Spanish professors have ...

]]> 1.892736 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 04:12:56 -0500 <![CDATA[Hunters and Premies and Trackers… OH MY!]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/satire/hunters-and-premies-and-trackers-oh-my-1.892717

By: Jeanette Helms

When rabbits go rabid it’s not so cute! It causes death! Lots of death!

There’s been a recent outbreak of killer bunnies on campus. Due to several territorial wars between the bunnies and squirrels, many of them have not survived long enough to achieve their first kill. Rabbits who haven’t tasted blood are calle...

]]> 1.892717 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 03:52:18 -0500 <![CDATA[Overexcitement of the first day]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/satire/overexcitement-of-the-first-day-1.892676

By: Nirmal Sharma

The frightening experience of an alumni, retold

“Under my umbrella ella ella eh eh...” was the wake up alarm on my phone at 4 a.m.,” told Siya Wilson, 28, a graduated student from Green River Community College. This great day was her first day of college and she was so energized that ...

]]> 1.892676 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 03:12:16 -0500 <![CDATA[Cell phone diseases rage through campus ]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/satire/cell-phone-diseases-rage-through-campus-1.892647

By:

Jin Han

For the last two weeks, an increasing number of students have developed diseases that can be traced back to Cell Phone Disease (CDP). Students have reported thing such as elephant ears, shrinking of fingers, and developing animal features. A study from F...

]]> 1.892647 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 02:15:24 -0500 <![CDATA[Textbooks: the next evolution]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/satire/textbooks-the-next-evolution-1.892598

By: Charles Renwick


Could the legitimacy of our education be at stake?

Starting effectively winter quarter, Green River Community College is adopting a new and rapidly spreading textbook program. The program, Customs Outreach of Literature in Educational School, gives more choice to the selection of textbooks available for ...

]]> 1.892598 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:44:48 -0500 <![CDATA[The dawning of “Twilight”]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/satire/the-dawning-of-twilight-1.892612

By: Brittney Cargill

Helpful tips to protect you against the creatures of the night

For all Green River students and staff members on campus during night hours: a cautious warning. Werewolves are being spotted along the Green River trails, coming dangerously close to buildings and roaming the parking lots. Rumor has it these werewolves ...

]]> 1.892612 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:36:52 -0500 <![CDATA[Breaking news (literally)]]> http://www.thecurrentonline.net/satire/breaking-news-literally-1.892582

By: Barbara Thom

Broken legs lead to potential change in dress code

Over the last weeks since fall quarter began, 17 female students have randomly broken their legs. School officials and security have been scrambling to discover the reason. It has been discovered that each of these students had one thing in common. The...

]]> 1.892582 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:08:24 -0500