The dawning of “Twilight”

For all Green River students and staff members on campus during night hours: a cautious warning. Werewolves are being spotted along the Green River trails, coming dangerously close to buildings and roaming the parking lots.
Rumor has it these werewolves are descendants from the Smulkamish tribe, more commonly known as The Muckleshoot Tribe, which was located where the campus now stands. Some claim these werewolves are also attending students.
As many know, most Indian tribes consist of shapshifters – a human by day; animal by night.
Green River student Chris Hinich confessed, “I can’t wait to see if we have a Bella! Edward and Jacob won’t know what hit them!”
Speaking of vampires, team Edward isn’t far behind. Local Twilight addict, Gracie Mae, exclaimed, “My friends and I are going to find the vampires and stir things up around here!”
Whether the students of Green River are winning over Bella or provoking the vampires on these dogs, the campus staff will have the last say on the werewolves’ invasion.
Until then here, are some tips if you come in contact with a werewolf:
Tip 1: Hitting the creature over the head with iron or steel shall return to its human form. Beware! After transformation, they will be naked.
Tip 2: Instead of running when noticed by a werewolf, hide under a rock and no not move until sunrise.
Tip 3: Unless you have a death wish, do not go looking for a werewolf.
If you have a hunch that somebody else is a werewolf, here are some traits to look for:
Clue 1: The index and middle finger are the same length.
Clue 2: Werewolves are very hairy and may grow hair underneath their skin. However, if you happen to insulted or embarrassed a person because they are unbelievably hairy, The Current is not to be held responsible.
Clue 3: Werewolves are usually Native American, although this doesn’t mean every Indian race is a werewolf.
The Current will not be giving out any more information about this subject due to political-correctness and safety reasons.
 

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1 comments

Anonymous

Fri Jun 4 2010 13:40

oh great more segregation on campus and more killing of simple animals thats waht the world needs. or is it? the end?

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