Cell phone diseases rage through campus

For the last two weeks, an increasing number of students have developed diseases that can be traced back to Cell Phone Disease (CDP). Students have reported thing such as elephant ears, shrinking of fingers, and developing animal features.
A study from Facebook has found that people on campus who text five hundred times a week suffer from thumb shrinking. Moreover, people who text one thousand times or more a week, their thumbs fall off completely.
Local student Henry Kim caught a CDP because he used to text about seven hundred times per week. Although he had his shrunken fingers bandaged, but continued to feed his addiction with the stubs. Kim said, “OMG! I don’t know what’s happening to my finger! How am I supposed to check my facebook?”
Another local student, Eun Sol Jung, caught the same CDP. According to Jung, she used to texting nearly one thousand times per week. One day, however, her fingers also started to shrink and her thumbs became smaller than a mouse’. When asked, Jung exclaimed, “I hated that moment! My tiny thumbs pissed me off! How could I put on my make up? I couldn’t go to school without freaking make up!”
Big Fat Ears (BFE) are another serious disease that caused by talking on cell phones too frequently. A few weeks ago, Shoko Osanai caught this rare CDP at the same time BFE also. Osanai got giant ears because she used her cell phone too much electromagnetic waves triggered the unique transformation. She responded, “I was like so surprised! My ears made me look like an elephant! I didn’t want to leave my room.” According to Osanai, the doctor had no remedy for BFE, so she immediately went into shock and called her friends to give the information about BFE. A few days later, she became a monster. Her ears got larger and eventually she started to develop the features of a hippopotamus.
People must stop to using cell phone unless people would become an ugly monster. Let these stories be a warning to you all. CDP is real: just visit Osanai at the Point Defiance Zoo and see for herself…
 

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