Breaking news (literally)

Over the last weeks since fall quarter began, 17 female students have randomly broken their legs. School officials and security have been scrambling to discover the reason. It has been discovered that each of these students had one thing in common. They are all diehard stiletto wearers.
One of the girls, who declined to be interviewed, said in confidence she would not be caught dead with less than a five inch heel, no matter how much they slowed her down.
Cynthia Vincent, a seasoned stiletto wearer and second year student at Green River was the first of 17 to break her leg on campus. When asked if she would trade in her stilettos for a sturdier shoe, replied, “Actually, my walking cast is just the right height for continuing to wear my five-inch heels. I was pleasantly surprised at how balanced I feel.”
Regular stiletto wearer and shuttle bus rider Dolce Vita, when asked how she navigates the Park n Ride lot, said “Gravel is the worst, but if you walk on your toes it’s much easier. I have only fallen three times this quarter!”
Como Corso, the self proclaimed Queen of Stilettos, was the second victim of random leg breaking. When asked how she feels about this unfortunate accident, Corso replied “I am so embarrassed! I always had perfect balance, and even regularly explained to the less- accomplished how to walk in heels all day without even a blister, let alone a stumble or fall.” She may actually step away from stilettos for good once her cast is removed.
In a brief interview, donning crutches and a bright pink cast, Badgely Mischka insists “Accessorizing is a must, and absolutely cannot be done properly without the perfect heels. People just don’t get it”, she said, “It’s not enough to be smart; you must have good fashion sense too!”
Louis Viutton, an exchange student from France commented, “Women should look like women, and that means heels. The higher the better”, he added with a smile, “no matter what the cost.”
Much to the dismay of stiletto wearers and admirers alike, school officials are planning to revise the student handbook to include a section on dress code. The code will effectively eliminate heels over two inches on all Green River campuses
Saorse Ireland, a local nurse and student agrees with the new code, saying, “Not only are stiletto heels dangerous, they pose a long-term threat to proper positioning of the foot, leg and spine which could be crippling later in life. She frowned. “Look good now, pay later…Where’s the trade off?”
 

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1 comments

Anonymous

Wed Feb 10 2010 14:26

This is funny, but I'd have gone after all the slipper wearers before the stiletto sporters, at least these girls make an effort while IN PUBLIC!!!

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